I feel like I'm a bench warmer. You know like one on a high school team that doesn't get to play much they just sit and watch everyone else "play".  That exactly how I feel in this journey of TTCing. I feel like I'm watching everyone else get pregnant and have babies.  I want it to be my turn. I know that is selfish to some people but that's how I feel.  I'm out again this month I got my period again this month 3 days early it was early last month too. Well I knew that we werent' pregnant this month beacuse we hadn't really tired.  But I still get so darn upset and discouraged when it shows up.  If you are trying to get pregnant you know how that feels.  I have all the christmas decorations and the tree up but I'm not sure I'm in the christmas spirit. All I want"wanted" for christmas, valentines day, easter, my upcoming 30th birthday is to be pregnant and have a baby.  But on the other hand my sister and I made ornaments with pictures on the inside she also helped me make a fleece blanket.  I also wanted to share some of our Christmas photos we had taken this year.  Hope you enjoy

Jeremy and I this is my favorite

Our little Family with Ollie and Minnie

Family Photo(L-R) (Amanda, Lil Eddie, Eddie, April, Me and Jeremy)

Lil Eddie

Lil Eddie and Minnie

My brother and his family(Amand, Eddie, and Lil Eddie)

I tried to post yesterday but I just couldn't. I've been so emotional this past few days/week.  Yesterday would have been my due date with our last baby that we had lost Lucy.  I feel like my faith is being tested and I'm an emotional wreck.  I really don't understand sometimes why these bad things have to happen. But I guess it to make us stronger.  I don't feel as strong sometimes.  I really don't understand why some people say that you have to save all this money for a baby I really don't think that you can totally be prepared but you will be able to provide a baby with what the need. Two loving parents, a home, warmth and god's love.  I'm praying that we get pregnant soon:) Yesterday was also a year since my uncle passed away. He was only 54 years young he had a long battle with diabetic problem, kidney and pancreas troubles as well.  I know that he isn't in pain anymore but it's still hard to know that he is not here.  Like I told my aunt a year ago he is watching my babies until I get there. On a lighter note Jeremy and I went to the Chris Tomlin concert.  We never been to a christian concert before. Let me tell you it was awesome one of the best concerts that I've ever been too.  At the concert we were told that if we went and bought tickets to the Casting Crowns/Matthew west show in Pittsburgh show you would get tickets for 19 bucks but the offer was only good for 48 hours so we are going for my early birthday present. Ugh I'll be 30 this coming April.

My Uncle Ed and I at my wedding

Chris Tomlin

Jeremy and I at the Concert this is a bad photo but it works