So I haven't posted since the update of getting the IUI done. Well I'm not pregnant really wish I could say that I was. I got my period on Thursday night/Friday morning.  I went today for my cycle day 4 blood work and ultrasound. Well I had to get stuck four times until we finally got blood both of my arms are already black and blue. I bruise very easy which sometimes always a good thing. So about 1:45 I got a call from the doctor's office. The nurse asked how I was and then she told me I have some bad new. My heart sank she told me that I can't start the shots that I reordered because I have two very large cysts on my right ovaries. She said rest this cycle and we can try again next cycle.  So store the shots in the fridge.  On to some other things. Easter was great we went to church. I made dinner for the first time for Jeremy's mom and step dad. We missed his sister since couldn't come home from school because of a test she had to study for.  I made a whole 15 pound ham, green bean casserole, homemade mac and cheese, rolls, scallop potatoes an apple pie and raspberry crisp with walnuts. After dinner we took the Easter basket we got for Little Eddie and I made on for our new nephew Noah who should be here anytime. Little Eddie was so excited. He had such a sugar rush from all the candy that we ate and boy was it good. 

Well the IUI went well painful but well. The doctor told me that my body responded to the Gonal-F shot very well. Since I have uterine didelhys I had 3 follicles on the left and 3 on the right side.  Since my left side is small and underdeveloped the did the IUI on the right side. We were told that is a good chance for multiples. WOW wouldn't that be something. We were told to wait 2 weeks to test. So again I'm on the 2WW. Oh how I dread that. But I'm hoping and praying that this time it will be worth it. So again prayers appreciated

One Year, Two Years and more

Where do I begin yesterday was a year since I lost Lucy the last time I was pregnant. How can a year go by so fast. Well it did and I can't change that, it will happen again and again. I went to the RE again yesterday got another round of blood work and another ultrasound. Both came back great. The nurse called and said no more Gonal-F shots and onto the Trigger shot.  When my order was delivered and I opened that box last week and saw the trigger shot needle I thought on no look at that needle. But when Jeremy gave me the shot it was just like the shots I've been getting all week.  So Saturday at 9 am is my IUI. I'm nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time. Just hoping and praying that this works.  So today is two years ago today that I lost Baby H.  Two years where did that time go? I can see you in my  mind with strawberry blonde curls and daddy's smile. Prayers appreciated :)

Just a little update the shots are going well. However I'm black and blue all over my belly. I went today for another round of blood work and an ultrasound. Both came back very good.  I have to get another shot tonight and go back tomorrow morning for an set of blood work. Since we are having and IUI done I'm guessing they will tell me when that is going to happen at tomorrows appointment. Also a little well not so little thing that happened today when I went to the RE I was told that I owed 1,700.00 for the IUI and I was shocked. Someone from the office was to call me and tell me that but they didn't so they are letting us pay in installments thank god. No all I need is some prayers that this is the cycle that it works.

Well the first shot wasn't that bad. The needles aren't that big which is good. I had to have Jeremy give me the shot. So we cleaned the area on my stomach and he loaded the pen with the serum and he was like you ready and I was pushing me and he like you can't do that hold onto the doorway.  So wham and it was done. It burned a bit but that is to be expected since the pen is kept in the fridge.  Plus the nurse that it's like that until it gets into the skin and my system.  So I guess its not all that bad.

Needles and Shots

Well our journey begins. By this I mean that we are starting our shots this cycle. I will be starting them tomorrow after I see the RE to have my day 4 blood work and an ultrasound.  I'm super nervous about this yes I have 2 tattoos and I'm very afraid of needles. The nurse told me that getting an IV hurts worse than what the shot are going to feel like. We go to choose between Follistim and Gonal-F. We did some research and chose to do Gonal-F. We got the pre filled pens. The UPS man delivered a giant box today. In the box was the a sharps  box, alcohol wipes, Gonal-F pens, a trigger shot, and progesterone suppositories and a DVD.  Now looking at all this stuff that I took out of the box I was like holy moly. I texted Jeremy a photo of all the stuff and all he said was that looks serious. I will have more to update as the week goes on. Here is a photo of what came out of the box! Prayers greatly appreciated

 

I feel like I'm losing my mind.  I've been crying and crying because I got my period again. All I want is a baby and that's all I can think about and I mean all I think about.  I just really want it to be my turn and I actually get to bring a baby home. I just want to start a new chapter in my life. I see all of my friends and family with babies and toddlers and I want that. I little baby that has my hubby's eyes and smile and mommy's hair.  I just feel lost about this whole thing I mean I go to the doctor to start shots and I then something else is wrong it's like I can't win for losing.  I have people telling me it will happen don't worry but I am worrying. What if this is not meant for me.  Then what? How do I move on not being a mommy. I love being an aunt but its not the same.  It's the second best job in the world next to being a mommy.  Sorry for rambling

Well since my last post I have learned that my thyroid is acting up and I now have to take Synthroid. I have to take the pill in the morning with a full glass of water and I can't eat anything for at least 1/2 hr to 1 hr.  I so take Zantac for heartburn and I can't take that for 4 hours after I take the Synthroid.  Which is sometimes hard because I sometimes have heartburn all the time. Since my last post I talked about having to set up a conference call with my RE to go over results of my SHG and my blood work.  The call is set up for March 12 @1130.  I'm sad that I have to wait that long but I'm on a cancellation list just in case.  I will also have to wait to start my injections to since I started the synthroid.  That sucks!!!  I just want to start this next step. On another note we had a very nice Valentine's day dinner at Pepperwood Grille.  This has been our 13th Valentines day together and it just keeps getting better I love him more and more everyday I'm looking forward to many many more. 

I went for my SHG today.  I must say that I really do not like them and hopefully this will be the last one! Since I have uterine didelphys he has to inflate both sides of my uterus and let me tell you it hurts like hell. He said that everything looks great but he will have to go over it in detail.  I have to have a conference call with him to go over the results.  Then he will tell me the amount of injections that I will have to take.

My cycle started on Sunday so no positive test for us this time. So the start of my cycle means that I scheduled my SHG(Feb 2). Oh how I really dislike those.  We have also decided on which stimulate injection we are going to be taking. Gonal-F.  We have done some research and we like this one better.  I'm glad that I call the insurance company back if I use the speciality mail order pharmacy the injections are totally covered except for the $25 copay.  Thank god he had answered our prayers on that one because if we don't use the mail order pharmacy they aren't covered and we would have to pay out of pocket and that price is crazy. So with my next start of my next cycle which should be after valentines day I'll start poking myself not looking forward to that but if what I have to do I'll do it.

Well I'm breathing alot easier  tonight. I'm glad that I called my insurance company back this afternoon. It turns out that the inject able stimulate drugs that I will be put on soon are covered by the insurance if I send them to a speciality pharmacy. Praise god!!  Taking them will be only if I don't get a positive test next week. fingers crossed that I do. Have any of you taken Follistim or Gonal-F before? Please tell me what you think what you liked or didn't like about them. Any help would be great  Now if the inject ables do not work we will be onto IVF. Now that is something that isn't covered at all by the insurance.  So that's where we are in this next journey

Well my appointment on Jan 12 at the RE didn't go well at all. Yes I knew that we had talked about the whole shot thing. BUT I was really hoping that we wouldn't have to go down that road.  So I have to get another SHG. YUCK this is like my eighth one and they suck if you have ever had one you know.  Along with the SHG I have to start taking a pill called DHEA. My RE thinks that this pill will help with my ovarian reserve produce better, because it doesn't work hardly at all.  SO once my cycle starts I get the SHG, we decide which shot we want to take which will be Follistim or Gonal-F.  I'm still undecided which one we want to do.  Have any of you done any of these? Advice please? Then we will get a trigger shot as well.  I'm so lost and frustrated grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.   So thats where we are at this point. 

There are so many things that I want to write about.  So please bare with me.  The holidays were a world wind they sure went by so fast at least I thought so. Now its the new year already 2012.  We celebrated new years eve with family. We made lots of food and played some board games and also some just dance. If any of you have ever played just dance it a great workout.  I have just dance and just dance 2, I had gotten my sister just dance summer hits and it's a blast I recommend to try it if you haven't. I've spent the last week in going back and forth to the hospital. Jeremy's gram is there so I've been there with her for 8 hrs a day then home for about 1 hr and then back for another 4 or so hours. I'm so tired that is an understatement.  I also worked this weekend I haven't slept much at all so 16 hours of work with like 5 hours of sleep equals fail.  So after work today I was about to get about a 3 hour nap I feel better.  I partly feel that I haven't been sleeping do to stress and worrying.  I'm worried about Jeremy's gram. Plus I go back to the RE on thrusday. This is an appointment to talk about some ferlitly drugs. EEKKK. I'm so nevrous and scared all at the sametime. I'll update after the appointment.    I've been told that 2012 is going to "our" year.  I'm really starting to feel that it is. Fingers crossed and lots of prayers. 

Jeremy and I

Jeremy, Me and my brother

Lil Eddie found some cat ears

Sound alseep and so cute

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas was very wonderful this year.  I was sad but I did a very good job at hiding it. I enjoyed my time with my family and my hubby and his family.   Here are some photos from the holiday Enjoy

My nephew Lil Eddie

Lil Eddie and Aunt Nannie

My sister April and I

Opening presents

And more presents

He got a ride one backhoe

My hubby Jeremy, Me and Dianna jeremy's sister

ME, my (MIL) Jane, and Dianna

Jeremy and his mom and sister

I heart us

I got a Green Bay packer cancer awareness scrub top

I'm slowing finding that I'm not alone in this whole grieving process.  I'm slowing learning that it's ok to be sad. It's ok to be angry. I'm looking forward to a new year that hopefully holds some possibilities for Jeremy and I.  I wanted to write about something that really has me really upset. Tmz has called the Duggar baby photos a fetal corps. That is just wrong to me a baby is a baby no matter if the baby is 4 weeks or full term. I feel so bad for the Duggar's. Yes when I first found out that they were having another baby I was like they already have 19. And I can't even seem to have one.  But a lose of a baby at any stage of development is terrible. The organization NILMDTS(Now I lay me down to sleep) I think is a wonderful thing. I have saw so many wonderful photo's of babies that are just plain beautiful.  What the photographers due for the families is give them a lasting memory of their perfect baby. That is something that a family should not be ashamed of or have to hide. If I could have used them I totally would have done that. But I never made it that far with any of my pregnancies.

Fire

I can't believe that it's been 6 years already.  Jeremy and I were going to a friend of his funeral viewing. He was young. We got ready and stoked the fire and left. We werent' even gone a total of 45 mins. While we were gone the furnace to way to hot and kept call for more heat the damper got stuck open.  A fire had flashed through the whole finished basement of the house. The fire was almost out, that is until we came home and opened the door and that gave oxygen to the fire and it took off.  Jeremy called 911 and said our home is on fire... and we only live about 2 blocks from the fire department here. The lady from 911 asked him are you sure your house is on fire. Duh how many people call just to say oh my house is on fire. Well all the questioning from the 911 lady took forever and by the time that the fire department got here we had flames coming out of the roof. I tired to get in the back door to get Charlie I could hear his collar jingling and I couldn't see him I tried to make it to him but every time I would go in someone would pull me out. Our neighbor tried to get him as well he is a firefighter but the heat was to much.  So we lost our home and our puppy and everything that we owned.  We spent the next month in a hotel. And the next 6 months in an apartment.  Until our home was built again. Some days it seems just like yesterday.  But on Christmas I got Ollie from my parents and Charlie and Ollie have the same parents and look alike.    I'll share some of my favorite photos of Charlie. 

First day we got Charlie

So small

This is my favorite photo of Charlie

Our last photo before our fire.

I feel like I'm a bench warmer. You know like one on a high school team that doesn't get to play much they just sit and watch everyone else "play".  That exactly how I feel in this journey of TTCing. I feel like I'm watching everyone else get pregnant and have babies.  I want it to be my turn. I know that is selfish to some people but that's how I feel.  I'm out again this month I got my period again this month 3 days early it was early last month too. Well I knew that we werent' pregnant this month beacuse we hadn't really tired.  But I still get so darn upset and discouraged when it shows up.  If you are trying to get pregnant you know how that feels.  I have all the christmas decorations and the tree up but I'm not sure I'm in the christmas spirit. All I want"wanted" for christmas, valentines day, easter, my upcoming 30th birthday is to be pregnant and have a baby.  But on the other hand my sister and I made ornaments with pictures on the inside she also helped me make a fleece blanket.  I also wanted to share some of our Christmas photos we had taken this year.  Hope you enjoy

Jeremy and I this is my favorite

Our little Family with Ollie and Minnie

Family Photo(L-R) (Amanda, Lil Eddie, Eddie, April, Me and Jeremy)

Lil Eddie

Lil Eddie and Minnie

My brother and his family(Amand, Eddie, and Lil Eddie)