Tuesday, March 29, 2011


It's been a while since I posted but I needed sometime to process my thoughts. Well where do I start? I didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant again. WHY? because I didn't want to hurt any one's feelings or want to hurt myself I guess. I found out I was pregnant on my nephew's first birthday on February 23, 2010.  I was excited and so scared at the same time. We decided not to tell anyone this time because of the "what if" something happens again.  Well everything was going great until about 5 week I had some spotting but it went away. Went to the Ob and yep we were expecting again November 3, 2011 was our due date. Well I went in 2 weeks later for my first ultrasound, well there was no heartbeat uggh again why me? So I had to have another D&C on march 22, 2011. I lost our first baby on March 23, 2010 and our second on Aug 13, 2010.  All I want to be is a mommy. All I want is my baby. IS that to much to ask for? My ob has sent our"baby" to the mayo clinic for testing.  I have a condition that is called Uterine Didelphys which means I have two uterus, two cervix and a septum that seperates them. I'm really not sure if this is what is causing my problems or not. I'm to see a specialist after we get the results which I have to wait another week. Can I wait another week? If it's not possible for me to have my own baby we don't have the money to adopt or a surrogate. So where does that leave us? Babyless? I feel so helpless and useless. I'm scared of the unknown I want a baby so bad what if this is not possible for us? I'm the one who is broken,not my husband. We dont' have the problem of getting pregnant it's staying pregnant. How do you fix that? Is it fixable. I've been praying and praying is God listening to me can he help? I hope so. My faith has been tried and tried and so have I. Can I do this again? Will it happen again losing another baby can we do that again. I've been reading a book recommended by a good new  friend of mine and you know who you are thanks for the support. anyways the book is "Answers in a time of miscarriage" this book is very informative.  Where do I go from here?

"rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."-Rom 12:15