Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I've tried writing over and over just to push the delete button. The last few months have been full of joys and sorrows both. We are enjoying our time that we have with our foster daughters Big A and Little A. They are a true joy to have around. I just love hearing little giggles and doll strollers being pushed around the house or mommy can you help me put on my dress up clothes. Tears to my eyes and pure joy to my soul. This might not have been the way that we wanted to have children but God had a different plan for that. I am completely out of the realm of having my own little baby ever! I had surgery on May 20th to remove my left tube the only one that I had left. I had to been having pain near my ovaries and I went to the OB and had some scans and such done it turns out that my left tube was swelling. I prayed and prayed about this knowing that having my own babies would never happen unless it was a miracle because I didn't have my right tube that was the only one working. We have been to see the RE had 5 failed pregnancies and a failed IUI. And the only way being IVF to have a baby which wasn't a sure thing  for us anyways.  So after praying and praying about what to do next  I decided to have the only tube I had left removed. After the surgery and recovery my Ob told me that my left tube was damaged and would have never worked anyways. And I'm OK with that...No having my very own baby... It has taken me a very long time to say that out loud and admit that to anyone included myself and my hubby.....Just because you give birth the a baby doesn't make you a mother at least for some people. I thank god for opening my heart for fostering and adoption.  Not only to help me but to help the many children that need us. Well just as much as I need them.  I couldn't imagne life right now without our girls. The sorrows have been that Jeremy lost his Nan. She was a very important lady in his life. About 2 weeks ago we had to make a very hard decision to put our beloved dog Minnie to sleep. She was our baby for a long long time. She gave us 7 years of unconditional love and more than she knew. Also my Meme(grandma) had a heart attack and fell and broke her hip. It's very hard for me to see the strongest lady I know and love going through such a hard time right now. She is so use to doing for others and now she can't. Please pray for her.  So here is to happier times ahead