Easter without you(all 3 of you)

First of all thank you Jesus for everything<3...Easter was full of family and friends and food.  I went to my brothers for the egg hunt that they had for my nephew and the neighbor kids. Whatching all of the babies and kids run around and get so excited to see all the eggs and candy. This was almost more than I could handle. I'm missing all of you so much that it hurts my heart and sometimes i can't breathe. I can only image what mothers day is gong to be this year last year was bad enough but now that more of you are gone its worse.  I hope I can make it through.

So many feelings

It's been a while since I've logged on here. I've been through so many feelings in the last couple weeks. Our appointment with the RE went well even he said that I'm emotional well WHO wouldn't be after everything that I've been through. He even asked me if I was suicidal which I'm totally not. I'm just really frustrated and sadden by this whole thing that I'M going through in my life. I mean come on I've lost 3 babies in the last year. Who wouldn't be emotional.  Wouldn't you? Our new RE is sending us for testing which is great because the last person we saw didn't want to do anything. I have to go and get blood work lots of blood work. On Monday of last week I had some done well 15 tubes to be exact. Then on Wednesday I had to have a 2 hour glucose tolerance test and more blood work. Let me say that test sucks. I had 13 tubes drawn then too. I feel like a pincushion. But its OK if he can figure out whats going on with me.  I also have to have some more blood work done and ultrasounds when my cycle starts again.  My hubby also needs to have some blood work done and "another" test to check certain things with him as well.  After all the testing is done we are seeing the RE again to go over all the test. I really hope that what is wrong is an easy fix. I have uterine didelphys which means that I have 2 uterus and 2 cervix and a vaginal septum which could be causing the problem.  This could be causing the problem too so that is being looked into. We have also filled out a lot of the paperwork for the adoption process that we are looking into as an option. I turned 29 last Thursday ugh. I had this plan I would be married by 23 and have my first baby by 25.... well that plan didn't work out but that wasn't god plan it was my plan. I know that he only give me what I can handle. Please pray for us that we get some answers and can start our family soon <3

The Next Big Step

I've been so emotional in the last few weeks.  I finally got my results back from the Mayo Clinic from our baby. The problem again this time was chromosomes that didn't mesh well with each other. So I'm wondering if this is going to be an ongoing thing with us? I pray everyday that is doesn't happen again. We have taken some big steps in the last 2 weeks since losing another baby. OH I almost forgot I'm not sure what the sex of this recent baby was but I had a feeling it was a girl so I named for Lucy. Getting back to the big steps that we are taking...We are scheduled to see a new Reproductive endocrinologist tomorrow morning. I'm very nervous about this. What is he going to tell us? Can he help us have our baby that we get to keep.  Will this be an easy fix? I have so many things running through my head that it feels like its going to bust. Also we have begun filling out paperwork to adopt a child. There is so much that they want to know about us our families ect. ect. It's all so overwhelming. But I know that God will help us through this process. If this is what it takes to be a mommy I'll do it.  I got a call from my cousin last night well she is more like my sister. But anyways she told me that she is willing to be a surrogate or an egg donor if we need to take that step. That is such a wonderful gift to give someone. How do you thank someone enough for doing such a great deed. I just hope that one day I could repay her for this if need be. I have such great family and friends some old friend and some wonderful new friends that are so supportive and I thank you all for that and love you all so much. So keep us in your prayers for tomorrow's appointment. I'll post again tomorrow about what we find out and what our next steps will be.