Christmas was very wonderful this year.  I was sad but I did a very good job at hiding it. I enjoyed my time with my family and my hubby and his family.   Here are some photos from the holiday Enjoy

My nephew Lil Eddie

Lil Eddie and Aunt Nannie

My sister April and I

Opening presents

And more presents

He got a ride one backhoe

My hubby Jeremy, Me and Dianna jeremy's sister

ME, my (MIL) Jane, and Dianna

Jeremy and his mom and sister

I heart us

I got a Green Bay packer cancer awareness scrub top

I'm slowing finding that I'm not alone in this whole grieving process.  I'm slowing learning that it's ok to be sad. It's ok to be angry. I'm looking forward to a new year that hopefully holds some possibilities for Jeremy and I.  I wanted to write about something that really has me really upset. Tmz has called the Duggar baby photos a fetal corps. That is just wrong to me a baby is a baby no matter if the baby is 4 weeks or full term. I feel so bad for the Duggar's. Yes when I first found out that they were having another baby I was like they already have 19. And I can't even seem to have one.  But a lose of a baby at any stage of development is terrible. The organization NILMDTS(Now I lay me down to sleep) I think is a wonderful thing. I have saw so many wonderful photo's of babies that are just plain beautiful.  What the photographers due for the families is give them a lasting memory of their perfect baby. That is something that a family should not be ashamed of or have to hide. If I could have used them I totally would have done that. But I never made it that far with any of my pregnancies.

Fire

I can't believe that it's been 6 years already.  Jeremy and I were going to a friend of his funeral viewing. He was young. We got ready and stoked the fire and left. We werent' even gone a total of 45 mins. While we were gone the furnace to way to hot and kept call for more heat the damper got stuck open.  A fire had flashed through the whole finished basement of the house. The fire was almost out, that is until we came home and opened the door and that gave oxygen to the fire and it took off.  Jeremy called 911 and said our home is on fire... and we only live about 2 blocks from the fire department here. The lady from 911 asked him are you sure your house is on fire. Duh how many people call just to say oh my house is on fire. Well all the questioning from the 911 lady took forever and by the time that the fire department got here we had flames coming out of the roof. I tired to get in the back door to get Charlie I could hear his collar jingling and I couldn't see him I tried to make it to him but every time I would go in someone would pull me out. Our neighbor tried to get him as well he is a firefighter but the heat was to much.  So we lost our home and our puppy and everything that we owned.  We spent the next month in a hotel. And the next 6 months in an apartment.  Until our home was built again. Some days it seems just like yesterday.  But on Christmas I got Ollie from my parents and Charlie and Ollie have the same parents and look alike.    I'll share some of my favorite photos of Charlie. 

First day we got Charlie

So small

This is my favorite photo of Charlie

Our last photo before our fire.

I feel like I'm a bench warmer. You know like one on a high school team that doesn't get to play much they just sit and watch everyone else "play".  That exactly how I feel in this journey of TTCing. I feel like I'm watching everyone else get pregnant and have babies.  I want it to be my turn. I know that is selfish to some people but that's how I feel.  I'm out again this month I got my period again this month 3 days early it was early last month too. Well I knew that we werent' pregnant this month beacuse we hadn't really tired.  But I still get so darn upset and discouraged when it shows up.  If you are trying to get pregnant you know how that feels.  I have all the christmas decorations and the tree up but I'm not sure I'm in the christmas spirit. All I want"wanted" for christmas, valentines day, easter, my upcoming 30th birthday is to be pregnant and have a baby.  But on the other hand my sister and I made ornaments with pictures on the inside she also helped me make a fleece blanket.  I also wanted to share some of our Christmas photos we had taken this year.  Hope you enjoy

Jeremy and I this is my favorite

Our little Family with Ollie and Minnie

Family Photo(L-R) (Amanda, Lil Eddie, Eddie, April, Me and Jeremy)

Lil Eddie

Lil Eddie and Minnie

My brother and his family(Amand, Eddie, and Lil Eddie)

Eddie thought that Ollie and Minnie needed food too

 

 

Our Christmas Tree

My sister in law Dianna pumpkin pie skills

I know I've been MIA for awhile.  I've been feeling to emotional to write. Not much on the baby front.   There has been a lot going on.  Things are changing and I don't like it not one bit.    I hope that everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving with lots of family, friends, and tons of food.  I also got a new camera I'm so excited to use it.  I made my second Thanksgiving here this year and invited my brother, Amanda(my sister-in law), Little Eddie, My sister April and her boyfriend Tommii. I made a turkey, sweet potato casserole, green beans, mashed potatoes, gravy, homemade cranberry jelly and cranberry apple stuffing. We attended 3 other thanksgivng dinners as well, My brother had one, Jeremy's mom's and his grandmas. Let's just say I'm so over turkey.    Over black Friday I've gotten a bunch of people checked off my list. I also put up our Christmas decorations and the tree. I wasn't sure that I was actually going to put up one this year.  Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving.

I tried to post yesterday but I just couldn't. I've been so emotional this past few days/week.  Yesterday would have been my due date with our last baby that we had lost Lucy.  I feel like my faith is being tested and I'm an emotional wreck.  I really don't understand sometimes why these bad things have to happen. But I guess it to make us stronger.  I don't feel as strong sometimes.  I really don't understand why some people say that you have to save all this money for a baby I really don't think that you can totally be prepared but you will be able to provide a baby with what the need. Two loving parents, a home, warmth and god's love.  I'm praying that we get pregnant soon:) Yesterday was also a year since my uncle passed away. He was only 54 years young he had a long battle with diabetic problem, kidney and pancreas troubles as well.  I know that he isn't in pain anymore but it's still hard to know that he is not here.  Like I told my aunt a year ago he is watching my babies until I get there. On a lighter note Jeremy and I went to the Chris Tomlin concert.  We never been to a christian concert before. Let me tell you it was awesome one of the best concerts that I've ever been too.  At the concert we were told that if we went and bought tickets to the Casting Crowns/Matthew west show in Pittsburgh show you would get tickets for 19 bucks but the offer was only good for 48 hours so we are going for my early birthday present. Ugh I'll be 30 this coming April.

My Uncle Ed and I at my wedding

Chris Tomlin

Jeremy and I at the Concert this is a bad photo but it works

An article to share

 I found this one Yahoo and wanted to share with everyone and some of these are true. I've had most of these said to me.

10 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO YOUR CHILDFREE FRIENDS !
Parenting can have a huge impact on friendships. But you can maintain your bond -- with some insight into the childfree point of view.

By Jillian Mackenzie

My boyfriend and I don't know yet if we're going to have children -- but over the last few years, the majority of our friends have taken the plunge. During that time, I've learned a few things about how to keep friendships strong when you don't have parenthood in common. Here are 10 things not to say to your friends who don't have children.

1. "When will you finally have kids?"
Once you have offspring, you want your friends to share the experience. But please don't loudly ask this question across the table at Thanksgiving dinner or at a baby shower. Although many people are happy to be childfree or waiting, the situation may be more complicated. A friend could be facing infertility, in the agonizing position of having a spouse who doesn't want children, or otherwise in a complex struggle over the issue. Bring it up privately with close friends, or wait for them to share with you.

2. "We always wanted to have a family."
If you use the expression "have a family" to mean "have children," you inadvertently send a message that people without kids are... family-less. Family comes in many forms: significant others, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors -- happily, the list goes on!

3. "I only invited other parents."
Having children is the norm, and people who are childfree can sometimes feel isolated or excluded. So invite us to birthday parties! Sure, there are some people who just don't like kids and have no desire to spend an afternoon surrounded by them. They can decline the invitation, and the rest of us will cheer when the birthday boy takes his first bite of cupcake.

4. "Are you hung-over?"
If you had kids when you were on the younger side, you may have transitioned abruptly from staying out bar-hopping to night feedings and Yo Gabba Gabba -- and years later, you may assume that we're still acting like our crazy twentysomething selves. But just because we don't have kids doesn't mean we aren't growing up.

5. "You're so lucky you get to sleep in/shop/travel."
We understand that you give up a lot to be the amazing parent you are -- and we do appreciate our extra cash and free time, and god, yes, the sleep. But too many offhand comments like this make us feel like you assume the reason we don't have children is that we're lazy, selfish, or shallow. The decision is never that simple.

6. "This must be birth control for you."
Parents often make this joke when their kid is being loud or persistent, and we understand it's because you're worried the situation is bugging the hell out of everyone around you. Don't stress -- a good friend understands that your kid is going to have a meltdown once in a while. We can take it. And, of course, a crying toddler is not actually a tipping point in our decision to have kids. We're not that shortsighted.

7. "Your dog/cat/parakeet is your baby."
Pets are a huge part of many people's lives, whether or not those people have children. But it feels like a consolation prize when you put it like this. That said, ask about my cat; I'm happy to pull up my latest photo of her adorableness.

8. "I can't die; I'm a mom."
During a recent brief terrorism scare in New York City, a friend said to me, "I have to get out -- I can't die; I'm a mom." We know you have someone depending on you in an unprecedented way, but there are people who love and depend on us, too.

9. "I'm sorry it's taken forever for me to call/email/text you back."
Don't start every correspondence with an apology. Your life is insane and letting us know you want to make time for us is appreciated. But don't stress so much: My life is busy too, and more often than not, I didn't even notice a lag.

10. "You wouldn't understand."
We know there are many things about parenting you will turn to your mom friends to talk about. And, honestly, with anyone other than a close friend, that's probably best -- I lose interest fast when someone I don't know well talks too much about their kids. But when we're real friends, don't let our relationship fade because you're afraid of boring us with parenting stuff. Just like we used to listen to you talk about your ex, we want to hear about what's important in your life now. And we hope you'll do the same for us.