My hubby has been away for a training for his job since Sunday he won't be back until this coming Sunday.  I really miss him alot. I'm not use to being alone for this long.  So I've been spending the time that he is gone with my brother, sister-in-law and my nephew. I love spending time them but it gets me thinking what would my babies be doing right now? Who would they look like mommy or daddy? Would they like playing in the sand with their cousin or in the pool with him? It's been 15 months today since baby H has been gone...baby hauger has been gone for 10 months and 10 days. and Lucy has been gone for 3 months and 1 day.  I miss you all so much.  I wish that things could have gone different.  I'm hoping and praying that this surgery is going to help us.  I want to be a mommy.  I want to feel less broken..less useless..