Monday, June 27, 2011
So I think I've been in a funk of late. Last night was the kicker for me. I had a horrible dream but it was so real. So we were having a coming home party for our baby. But when we get there I look at the baby and she is dead. This dream was so real I woke up in tears and I was shaking and thought I was going to throw up. I've never had this dream before. I really don't know what this means. I'm looking so forward to this surgery but now I'm just so scared. What if this is a sign that things aren't going to work out? I really don't know if I can put myself through that again. But this is something that I really want. I've always played with dolls and was a mommy to them. I want to be a mommy so bad. What if this is not possible. Then what? My hubby says that it's fine if this is something that we can't do but I'm not so sure. Have you ever wanted something so bad and it's just not happening? That is what I feel right now. I'm stressed, sad and beside myself. I think my faith is being tested. I know that god doesn't give you more that you can handle but I think I'm at my breaking point.