Monday, June 27, 2011

So I think I've been in a funk of late.  Last night was the kicker for me. I had a horrible dream but it was so real. So we were having a coming home party for our baby. But when we get there I look at the baby and she is dead. This dream was so real I woke up in tears and I was shaking and thought I was going to throw up. I've never had this dream before.  I really don't know what this means. I'm looking so forward to this surgery but now I'm just so scared. What if this is a sign that things aren't going to work out? I really don't know if I can put myself through that again. But this is something that I really want. I've always played with dolls and was a mommy to them. I want to be a mommy so bad.  What if this is not possible.  Then what? My hubby says that it's fine if this is something that we can't do but I'm not so sure. Have you ever wanted something so bad and it's just not happening? That is what I feel right now. I'm stressed, sad and beside myself. I think my faith is being tested. I know that god doesn't give you more that you can handle but I think I'm at my breaking point.


  1. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry you had such a terrible dream. God is not a God of fear! He would not give you a dream like that and my gut says that he wants you to keep believing! Satan is shaking because God is working in your life, working to help you get a baby. Somehow, some way, God will put a baby in your arms and this surgery is the first step in that. Relax and be still, know that He is God :) Before you go to sleep, rebuke the devil from giving you such a dream. Ask God to give you a spirit of calmness and to relieve your anxiety. Usually when we ask God for specific signs, he delivers. We only have to pay attention.

  2. What a terrible dream! I am so sorry you had to experience that! I know that I was at a really bad point in my life at one point after we tried so hard to get pregnant for 2 1/2 years, and then when we did get pregnant we lost that baby..I was angry, confused, and miserable. I turned away from God and felt guilty for doing that when I knew I should have been turning towards Him for comfort. I can remember one day just waking up in a different state..I was able to see the wonderful things in my life that God had given me (even if it wasn't what I so desperately wanted), and I saw the world as the beautiful place He created for us. It was from then on out that I was at peace, and it was at that point in my life that I was able to have my children. God gives you the desires of your heart for a reason. He won't forget you! Just keep on being faithful and never lose hope! One of my favorite verses for you:
    "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

    Many know I am here if you need anything at all!

  3. I feel the same way often! But I hope everything turns out the way you want! You and your family will be in my prayers!