My journey of losing my babies and finding the strength to make it through.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Rambling and Rambling I need to just vent about alot on my mind
Lately I've been feeling down. I'm not sure if it's because I miss my babies so much or this all this rain. Well I still don't have any of the results from the test that they have been doing. We have to wait until June for that and that is very frustrating I wish it was here already. Since finding out that my FSH level is high I've been worried about what else could be wrong. On a lighter note my hubby and I went on a day trip to Washington DC this past Wednesday we had to pick up his grandma from the airport so we decided to make a day out of it just some "us" time. The day was so much fun spending time together just walking around going to museums, riding the METRO for the first time that was a an experience. We went to the butterfly garden that the city has at first all we saw was plant that attract butterflies we walk about 1/2 a mile and didn't see anything I was starting to think that we weren't going to see one. And the out of the blue there was one see photo above. This is the first one I've see so far this year. I know that my babies are here with me. I've been working alot to try to detract myself from all the emotional stuff going on with me but it has been working and not working I think I've been getting more stressed out hopefully when June rolls around I will be less stressed. Keep your fingers crossed. I've also been thinking about getting another tattoo. This time I think I want to get the pink and blue ribbon for pregnancy and infant loss fitting I think? My baby sister is graduation from high school that makes me sad to see her growing up I still see her as the little girl with the pigtails in her hair and the barney nightgown watching blue's clues. I'm so proud of the young beautiful woman that she has grown into. Her graduation is going to be very stressful for my brother and I see we don't talk to our mother at all she cheated on our father for over a year with multiple people, and moved in with a guy, and then left my sister and my dad and then played head games with him. Needless to say my dad chose to take her back after all the things that she did. Well no that we told her that we want nothing to do with her at all ever, now our dad doesn't talk to us either. I mean this is very upsetting because after she left we were the ones who made sure he ate, taught him how to pay his bills etc. I miss my dad alot I really wish that he could open his eyes to what is going on around him I mean she is still cheating to this day she has been seen but what can we say she just denies it and he believes her. I pray that one day he wises up before it's to late. Anyways they will be at graduation I really want to just run up to my dad and hug him and tell him I love him but I can't. I miss him alot more than alot. Enough Rambling!